Here is a list of the assholes that burned me last year and why I wish I had never thought they had any talent. I now present my all shit team 2009.
C- Geovany Soto. Wow, way to capitalize on that ROY season you had last year. His year was so bad he isnt even on my 2010 Catcher Rankings. Martin sucked balls this year but at least he gets ranked next year. Side note: Why does his jersey say "J. Martin"? If Russell isnt this guys name what is? Go back to America's Hat, loser.
1b- Carlos Delgado. Sure its easy to blame a lot of problems on injury but its his own fucking fault for getting injured. I could easily put the whole fucking Mets team here but nobody expected most of them to be any good. Luckily I only drafted his fuck tard on 1 team and it was late so its not that bad. Never again Delgado.
2b- Dan Uggla. Having never owned this no talent, lame excuse for a mini Adam Dunn, I didnt understand why people hated him so much. Its 30hr at 2nd base I said. I guess I am the asshole here. His numbers were so similar to last year and werent really that bad on paper. But this guy is streaky like my whitey tighties in Taco Week. Own this guy at your own risk because he will punish your ass (both literally and figuratively) for most of the year.
3b- David Wright. If you have owned this guy all year, then I give you credit. People were taking him 3rd overall in drafts. David Wright was the most complete player in the game, 5 tool player, a sure thing. Shit, shit and more shit! Its easy to say Shiti Field is to blame. It is, see I just did it. Its possible but Mark Reynolds hit as many homeruns there than Wright. Aside from his steals going up, pretty much everything went down. Including my penis.
ss- Jimmy Rollins. Its easy to pick Reyes here. Its also easy to pick Rollins. For guys that are getting picked in the top 10, these 2 assholes dont do anything. They dont hit homers, get rbi's, or hit for good average. Thats three big strikes for someone going so early. Something tells me they wont be cracking the top 50 next year. The only crack they will be seeing is the one in my ass.
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Grady Sizemore- The piece of shit hits 34hr and 33sb 2yrs ago they goes on to shit on my house this year. Sure, the bitch gets hurt, but he comes back and plays like shit again. Not only that but "Grady's Ladies" even stopped showing up to games.
Alphonse Soriano- Another early round bust. 'SORE'iano was one of the top outfielders going into this year. He probably would have been benched some more if Milton Bradley had a shred of talent left. Waste of space.
Manny Ramirez- If you drafted into the "Mannywood" hype when he was traded to the boys in blue then you were dissappointed. Sure, Manny had a pretty good year if you average it out, but when your top outfielders misses 50 games for trying to become a more fertile woman it just makes you want to bang something. And not the good kind of bang something.
sp- Brandon Webb, Dice-K, Edinson Volquez, Ervin Santana, Ricky Nolasco. Fuck you all. No explanation needed.
rp- Brad Fucking Lidge. What a fucking asshole. I had this jerk as my #2 rp behind Papelbon going into the season. Now there isnt a autodraft in the world that would make me draft this guy. The amazing part is that he kept his job for most of the season. At least if they let Madson close I could finally parted ways with this has-been. No luck. David Aardsma had more K's, better ERA, and more Saves than Lidge. Thanks for continually fucking up my ERA all season long.
Let me know who fucked up your seasons, remember this is for venting-let it all out bitches!
